21 Pranks, Fake Products, And Other Corporate Attempts At April Fools’ Day Relevance

Ever since April 1, 1922 when our print forerunner, The Consumerist Bugle-Gazette, ran an April Fools’ Day cover story that unwittingly — but accurately — announced the death of exiled Austrian Emperor Charles I, we’ve not tempted fate and avoided such tomfoolery. But others aren’t burdened by these ghosts of Aprils gone awry.

If you are paying any attention to the Internet today, odds are you’re aware that today is the day when companies try to prove their cleverness/drum up some brand interest with big announcements on April Fools’ Day. We decided to round up all those desperate attempts at relevance and stick’em in one spot, so you can get all those groans out with a single blow.

1. Quilted Northern: Bespoke artisanal toilet paper

Bathroom tissue products too mainstream for you? We can easily imagine a world of hand-pulped, hand-perforated, artisanally crafted toilet paper. Behold, hipsters, Rustic Weave.

2. White Castle: Nationwide Crave Case delivery drones

Jonesing for 30 White Castle sliders? The CrazyCopter is here to save the day — if it was a real thing delivering Crave Cases and not the chain’s April Fools’ prank. Don’t get our hopes up, man.

3. Royal Caribbean space cruises

For those who are curious about what getting norovirus in space would be like, Royal Caribbean has a fake answer! “Orbiter of the Galaxies, our first ever spaceship, will take its first guests to space in 2030. Combining features from our current fleet with space travel, prepare for an extraordinary holiday,” the company says on a site dedicated to the space-age prank.

4. Google Cardboard Plastic

Why be so literal when it comes to virtual reality? Google’s prank product will offer users a clear view of… reality. Like, real reality, as in the opposite of virtual reality. Someone is probably trying to buy this right now.

5. Cornhub, fulfilling hot corn addicts everywhere

Pornhub knows how much its users love having a searchable site for all their porn needs, so why not appeal to all those corn fans out there with an online destination for the hottest corn action?

6. DoorDash hires doggy delivery staff

What’s better than getting food delivered to your door by a nice human? Getting it dropped off by a Corgie. DoorDash taps into the collective desire for cuteness with DoggyDash, featuring doggie delivery.

“Their keen sense of smell can recognize all your favorite restaurants, meaning unparalleled order accuracy every time,” DoorDash says. “And by delivering each order with a friendly face and a wag of a tail, we know they’ll leave you begging for more.” Again, don’t toy with our emotions, people.

7. Sally Hansen pet “pawducts”

Speaking of dogs, Rover’s paws are looking a bit ruff lately. Sally Hansen has the perfect line of fake products for your pooch this April Fools’ Day. Our favorite? “You Not Stanky Now,” the best name for a fake pet product we’ve ever heard.

8. Alaska’s capital city renamed in deal with Mattel

Juneau, AK will be no more under the terms of an agreement with Mattel to rename the city Uno, after the color-and-number matching card game. Except that it’s April Fools’ Day, so nothing will actually change.

“We sort of thought, ‘How do we go wild for UNO and what’s something we can do that’s wild?'” said Ray Adler, the company’s director of global games in a press release. “And we looked to the great outdoors.”

9. Hulu launches a dating app

Maybe you’ve heard of “Netflix and chill,” but Hulu wants to take a more proactive approach in involving itself in your dating life with its romance app, HuluDatr. A fake approach that takes into account the TV habits successful marriages, since compatibility in that area is an important part of any relationship.

“HuluDatr is the revolutionary free new app that Hulu viewers can opt-in to that will transform the way soul mates find one another,” the streaming video company says on its site.

10. Airbnb launches Lairbnb

Hey, heroes and evildoers! Do you have a lair sitting around empty, waiting for just the right scheming genius to occupy it? Check out Airbnb’s new fake service for lair owners in need of renters to provide them with a little extra cash.

11. Real Ghostbusters proton packs

Sony is toying with Ghostbusters‘ fans emotions with this real-life proton pack to catch ghosts. It’ll be available July 15, which just so happens to be the same date the new Ghostbusters flick lands in theaters. Ah, the classic marketing stunt in April Fools’ Day clothing.

12. Realtor.com pet home listings

If your dog or cat is looking for that perfect furr-ever home, Realtor.com has the fake service for you. With addresses like “Hairball Lane” and “Best Friend Drive,” it’s quite clear that your furry friend won’t be moving into their own pricy pad anytime soon.

13. GrubHub introduces new Grüber app

Need a ride somewhere and want to smell someone else’s lunch at the same time? That’s weird, but GrubHub has you covered with its new fake app, Grüber, which “will allow people who love both the smell of food and new cars, and the delight of a car showing up the moment they need transportation, to hitch a ride with Grubhub’s restaurant delivery drivers.”

“When riders get in the car, they will enter a world of sensory delights. The faint smell of someone else’s food, controlled by our patented ventilation system to ensure the perfect balance between food fragrance and new car smell, will fill the car with the perfect scent,” GrubHub’s announcement reads. “Concurrently, the food’s presence will keep the seat next to the rider warm and the sample-sized snacks will ensure that riders are never hungry.”

14. Esurance offering election insurance

Every election year, some folks start to grumble about how they’ll move out of the country if their preferred candidate doesn’t win. Esurance is here for you, in the way that any other company announcing news on April 1 is, with election insurance.

“This unique (bipartisan) coverage will protect your home for the next four years if your preferred candidate loses the presidential election and you choose to leave the country,” the company says.

15. Lyft wants to help prank your pals

Lyft is offering free “prank” rides for customers in Los Angeles, New York City, and San Francisco. It involves forcing your friend to get in a car with you — and the driver is in on the whole thing.

“Want to get in on the prank action? Start the shenanigans with the tap of a button,” Lyft says. “From 11 AM – 5 PM this Friday, you can request Lyft to come play a prank on one of your friends.”

16. Zipcar Selfie Driving

Zipcar is admitting it’s obsessed with its customers, with a new hoax campaign that uses selfies to match customers with just the right car, based on their expressions and other mysterious algorithms. Bad hair day? “Tinted windows comin’ at ya,” Zipcar’s video says.

17. OpenTable’s lickable taste tests

As if it’s not already gross enough to think about what germs you touch on your phone with your hands, Opentable’s April Fools’ joke would have customers licking photos on their phones to taste a restaurant’s food before they arrive.

18. Groupon deal for professional cat readers

Because it knows everyone loves to pamper their cats, Groupon has a fake offer that will get feline fans purring with happiness until they realize that no one will actually be reading aloud to their cats.

“We’ve hand-picked expert feline readers who are skilled at delivering a gripping tale to your friend with a tail,” Groupon says. “Imagine the blank stare of pride in your cat’s eyes when she hears the inspiring story of the lion, Aslan, in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Or the unblinking gaze of total excitement as she puzzles out the whodunit plot of Agatha Christie’s The Mousetrap.”

19. Lexus’ Velcro safety solution

This one’s pretty simple. Velcro on person, Velcro on Lexus car seat, driver stays put. It’s not real though. Is anything real today? We’re not entirely sure at this point.

20. YouTube introduces Snoopavision

Sure, you could watch a video on YouTube the regular way… or you could watch it and ANY other videos in 360 degrees with Snoop Dogg! Or YouTube is punking us, because it’s April 1. Dammit, YouTube. Make this real. Just this one.

21. Gmail’s attempt at a mic drop

And then there’s Gmail’s April Fools’ Day gaffe, which it was busy apologizing for before the day had barely begun: a “Mic Drop & Send” button that would insert an animation of a Minion from the Despicable Me movies and mute any replies to that email. When people accidentally hit that button instead of “send,” confusion ensued and Google pulled the plug.

by Mary Beth Quirk via Consumerist

Volkswagen Recalls 91,000 Diesel-Engine Passats Over Fire Concerns

Volkswagen’s diesel-engine vehicles haven’t exactly had a great few months, what with federal regulators finding that 500,000 of the vehicles contain “defeat devices” that cheat emission standards. Issues for the cars continued this week as the carmaker announced it would recall 91,000 Passat TDI sedans over fire concerns. 

VW will recall about 91,000 model year 2012 to 2014 diesel-engine Passat sedans because wiring under the vehicle can corrode, overheat, and potentially start a fire.

According to a notice [PDF] filed with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, improperly assembled wire seals in a connector of an underbody sensor may allow water to corrode electrical terminals.

This can lead to an electrical short with the possibility of overheating at the electrical connection, and cause the Malfunction Indicator Light (MIL) in the vehicle to illuminate.

In rare cases, overheating of the electrical connection could result in a fire underneath the vehicles, VW says.

The carmaker tells NHTSA that the issue was first discovered in November 2015 when the production plant reported overheated electrical connectors and isolated underbody fires in the vehicles. Further tests were performed in January and a defect was determined to be present in March 2016.

VW says that owners of affected vehicles will be notified in June and dealers will replace the connector with a new one that is properly sealed.

by Ashlee Kieler via Consumerist

CDC: The Dole Salad Listeria Outbreak Is Finally Over

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Food and Drug Administration, the outbreak of Listeria in bagged salad mixes is now officially over. Contaminated salads sent 19 people to the hospital, killing one patient, and made an unknown number of other people sick. How did the greens get contaminated? Was there a problem with the Ohio facility, and is it still shut down? We don’t currently know.

While the outbreak happened in a Dole processing facility, Dole packages greens for numerous store brands, including Kroger, Walmart, Aldi, and Canadian supermarket chain Loblaws. These were all eventually recalled, though the recall didn’t occur until random testing turned up Listeria bacteria in lettuce packaged at the plant. The pathogen was matched to Listeria that had made people 19 people sick enough to be hospitalized in cases dating back to October of 2015.

Food Safety News is waiting for the results of a Freedom of Information act request for the report on the FDA’s post-outbreak inspection of the Dole plant in Ohio.

CDC says deadly outbreak over; Dole, FDA silent on salad plant [Food Safety News]
Multistate Outbreak of Listeriosis Linked to Packaged Salads Produced at Springfield, Ohio Dole Processing Facility (Final Update) [CDC]

by Laura Northrup via Consumerist

Google Has Already Disabled Its “Mic Drop” April Fools’ Day Gmail Prank

There’s a difference between a dumb April Fools’ Day joke that isn’t funny or doesn’t trick anyone, and an April Fools’ Day joke that makes people angry and results in a $517 billion company having to apologize.

Only hours into its 2016 April Fools’ fun, Google had to pull the plug on its latest goof: A “Mic Drop & Send” button on Gmail accounts.

If pressed, this button inserted an animation of a Minion (from the Despicable Me movies) dropping a microphone on the conversation. More importantly — and annoyingly — it muted any replies to that email.

“Everyone will get your message, but that’s the last you’ll ever hear about it. Yes, even if folks try to respond, you won’t see it,” Google said in a blog post Thursday unveiling the joke button.

The functional button seemed like a fun way to seemingly assert your superiority in a discussion, but it turned out to cause just a few problems for Gmail users.

Not everyone noticed the new feature, which was placed on an orange button next to the normal “Send” button. Thus, Gmail users around the world were inadvertently dropping the mic on bosses, professors, loved ones, potential employers, and many others.

Gmail Mic Drop: “We’ve defaced some of your messages and hidden the replies, and you probably have no idea why! LOL, April Fool!”

— Tom Scott (@tomscott) April 1, 2016

@google Mic Drop is super fancy but I'm scared I'll press it by accident and my career will go up in a flame of sass! Can it be turned off?

— Ryan van den Berg (@ryan_vdb93) March 31, 2016

Thank you gmail for the mic drop. I just sent it to my professor by accident. I really hope she has a sense of humor. #fingerscrossed

— Stacey O'Connor (@StaceO15) April 1, 2016

I haven't laughed at any April's fools websites jokes yet except the fact that Gmail Mic drop inadvertently got people fired.

— Talesh Seeparsan (@_Talesh) April 1, 2016

Google mic drop '16 causes job interview snafus: self-selection for jobs requiring reading comprehension, vigilance and attention to detail?

— Justin Teixeira (@TheveninRDM) April 1, 2016

Users expressed their concern and dissatisfaction that the button was actually functional on Google’s product forum starting soon after the joke hit the web.

“I just completed [a] questionnaire via e-mail for a JOB and accidentally hit the send + mic drop button!!! GOOGLE I WANT THIS FEATURE TURNED OFF!!” one Gmail user wrote.

“This is stupid and has no business on an email. It should be optional,” another user said.

Google responded to the outcry, disabling the feature and apologizing any trouble caused by the prank.

Still, some people were sad to see the annual April Fools’ joke end so soon.

@google Forget what the haters say about the mic drop feature. Bring it back!

— David Li (@LiThality) April 1, 2016

[via CNET]

by Ashlee Kieler via Consumerist

Comcast Says FCC Privacy Rules Will Hurt Consumers By Not Allowing Them To See More Comcast Ads

The number-one complaint we get from Consumerist readers is “You guys just don’t have enough ads on your site! Where are all the pop-ups, roll-overs, pop-overs, auto-play videos, and page-crashing ad units that make surfing the web so dang enjoyable?” We hear you, we do; we just don’t have the staff to sell all those ads you want bogging down your browser and tracking you across pages and platforms. And even if we did, those pesky jerks at the FCC are trying to rob us — and consumers — of more options to be marketed to, and commodified by, our Internet service providers.

Thank heavens there is David Cohen, Comcast’s “Chief Diversity Officer” who seems to spend a lot more time arguing for mergers and raging against industry regulation than doing anything about diversity, who went online yesterday to explain the inevitable Orwellian nightmare that will result from the FCC’s recent decision to devise privacy regulations on ISPs like Comcast.

For those coming late to the game, when the FCC reclassified broadband providers as utility-like “common carriers” in 2015, it meant that the Federal Trade Commission no longer had privacy-related oversight on the industry. So recently the FCC began the process of filling that gap, voting to merely move forward with the process of drafting privacy regulations.

Even though the final rules are months — and possibly a new slate of FCC commissioners — away, the broadband industry has been dyspeptic, arguing that any restriction on their use of customer information would only help big online ad networks run by Google and Facebook.

Cohen, taking yet another break from all that wonderful diversity work, argues — reminder: this blog post was published on March 31 so it’s not an April fool’s joke — that it’s “competitive startups” like Comcast, and ultimately the consumer, who will be hurt by these rules.

He accuses FCC Chair Tom Wheeler — himself a former frontman for the cable and wireless industries — of “inexplicably” targeting ISPs with the privacy rules.

Perhaps Mr. Cohen needs to look up the definition of “inexplicably,” as Wheeler and others have explained numerous times that consumers have a right to privacy, and the FCC has the authority to regulate broadband providers.

Cohen also claims that ISPs “have been responsible stewards of consumers’ privacy for decades,” without mentioning previous efforts by Comcast to block or throttle customers from accessing certain content, and how the broadband industry is once again fighting to overturn net neutrality rules so that it can block and throttle with impunity.

Telling a broadband customer which sites they can and can’t visit is as much of a privacy violation as a telephone company deciding who you should be allowed to call.

The real problem, argues Cohen, is that these new privacy rules — which, again, do not even exist yet and are currently nothing more than a series of possible questions to be investigated and asked — could prevent Comcast from being a disruptive force that competes with Google or Facebook in the ad network.

“The unfortunate result of the FCC’s extreme regulatory proposals will be more consumer confusion and less competition,” writes Cohen, without explaining how in the world consumers might actually be confused by the fact that their ISP could possibly be restricted from tracking and reselling users’ browsing data without permission.

He calls for a “uniform and consistent privacy regime,” but really means “we want to be able to do what Google and Facebook do,” when what many consumers really want is for all of the above to stop invading their privacy.

Interestingly, both Cohen and the FCC commissioners who oppose these privacy rules have been eager to cite a March 18 memo [PDF] from the Electronic Privacy Information Center that criticizes the Commission for only going after ISPs. What they gloss over is the fact that EPIC memo is explicitly in favor of regulating ISPs’ data collection; it just just believes that focusing on ISPs still leaves most of the bad actors in play.

Cohen repeatedly beats the drum that ISPs are only a small part of the privacy invasion problem and that they do nothing more nefarious than other online companies. But if Comcast and other ISPs are doing so little tracking and reselling of customer info, why then are they putting up such a big fight about the mere possibility of being told they might have to follow some rules?

Because they want to do more.

AT&T is already blatantly using customer data in markets where it offers its GigaPower fiberoptic service. To entice customers to make their browsing habits available to marketers, the company offers a nearly 30% discount off the price of service, while charging top dollar to those who want to retain some shred of privacy.

Cohen contends that the FCC regulation (even though it doesn’t exist and will probably be challenged in court for years if and when it does get enacted) “places a thumb on the scale of competition in the online advertising marketplace in favor of the entrenched incumbents.”

So Comcast — the company that believes it’s okay for there to be virtually no fixed broadband competition in many of the markets in which it operates, and which has successfully lobbied to scuttle competition from community-owned ISPs — is now trying to make the case for a diverse marketplace?

And what wondrous new advertising units would Comcast be able to provide with the help of data gleaned from customers (full disclosure: I live in Philadelphia and have no real choice but to be a Comcast customer)?

“One example of the extreme nature of the FCC’s proposal and how it would negatively impact competition and consumers relates to cross-marketing of our competitive products and services to existing ISP customers,” writes Cohen. “Under the FCC proposal, Xfinity Internet customers could miss out on learning about lower prices for taking bundles of services like Xfinity Home Security.”

That’s right — Cohen is arguing that the FCC should scrap its plan to regulate ISPs’ data collection so that Comcast can sell you more Comcast services.

And besides, writes Cohen, industry lobbyists have already sorted out this privacy thing. In early March, the National Cable & Telecommunications Association, American Cable Association, USTelecom, CTIA, and the Competitive Carriers Association outlined what they call a “framework” [PDF] for what the FCC should consider:

“(1) transparency; (2) respect for context and consumer choice; (3) data security; and (4) data breach notification.”

But apparently “transparency” does not include the core idea of the FCC’s proposal — giving consumers the right to opt out of being tracked.

Will the FCC rules put an end to broadband privacy concerns? No. But saying that the rules aren’t worth pursuing because they won’t eradicate privacy invasions is like arguing that there’s no point in having traffic lights because people still get into car crashes.

by Chris Morran via Consumerist

Microsoft Bringing Android Notifications To Windows 10 PCs

For those times when your Android smartphone isn’t clutched safely in your hand or resting at an accessible distance nearby, you may experience moments when you’re unaware if you’ve just received a text or missed a phone call. Microsoft says it’s going to ameliorate any uneasiness you may feel by funneling Android phone notifications over to PCs running on Windows 10.

At Build 2016 yesterday, Microsoft laid out its plans to send notifications about missed calls, messages, and other things from Android phones to Windows 10 PCs, reports The Verge.

To accomplish this, Microsoft is using its Cortana app for Android to link the devices. Cortana for Android will develop a user notification store in the cloud, which will let notifications mirror onto a Windows 10 PC, The Verge explains.

If you’re using a PC and receive a notification, you can reply to it using your computer instead of pulling out your phone, or dismiss it. The feature will also work with Windows 10 Mobile devices as well, but iPhone users will be left out of the fun.

The new feature is slated for a “future version of Windows,” Microsoft says, which means we could see it as early as this summer with the anticipated Windows 10 Anniversary Update.

Windows 10 will bring your Android phone notifications to your PC [The Verge]

by Mary Beth Quirk via Consumerist

Ford Recalls 48,300 Vehicles Over Fire Hazard, Airbag Deployment Issues

Incorrectly positioned airbags, heaters that can cause a fire, and parking brakes that can fail. Those are three things you probably don’t want to occur in your vehicle. But for thousands of Ford owners it’s a possibility and the carmaker has issued three recalls to fix things. 

Ford announced Thursday that it would recall 48,300 vehicles for a range of safety issues.

First up, the automakers will recall 37,905 model year 2015-2016 transit vans equipped with airbags that may not work properly.

According to Ford, the side-curtain airbags may be positioned incorrectly. In the event of a crash, the airbags may not deploy correctly, increasing the risk of injury to passengers.

The company says it is unaware of any injuries or accidents related to the issue. Owners will be notified and dealers will inspect and adjust the side-curtain airbags to correct the position.

The second recall involves 5,500 model year 2015 to 2016 Lincoln MKC and model year 2016 Ford Explorer SUVs that may contain block heaters that can overheat and possibly start a fire.

Ford said it’s aware of two reports of underhood fires in Canada, but is not aware of any accidents or injuries related to the issue.

Owners will be notified of the issue and dealers will replace the heaters with an updated design.

The final, and smallest, recall covers 4,800 model year 2015 to 2016 Ford F-650 and F-750 trucks that may contain a broken parking brake cable connector clip.

In some vehicles, the parking brake connector clips were not manufactured to the correct specifications and could break – resulting in unintended movement of the vehicle and increased risk of injury, Ford says.

The company says it is unaware of any accidents or injuries related to the issue. Dealers will replace the connector clips.

by Ashlee Kieler via Consumerist